Honestly speaking I have no idea why I cried so badly when I thought yea I won't cry and it was just a normal alter call. 

I had nothing in particular or anything related to the alter call. 

I just went up and respond to God. 

What was amazing that I started crying and the tears was just flowing itself. I did not force it or have the feeling to cry. 

I was struggling... I didn't want to cry and just wanna stay calm throughout the whole alter call. 

But as spiritual mothers and leaders came and pray for me, I began crying and not tearing anymore. 

What was emotionless became emotional. 

Lord, I don't want to dig out what had happened, those feelings and emotions.

They are all over already. No more and it won't come back anymore. 

Just when I thought I've given my hand to God, the fact it's that I have not. 

I was standing in the middle of the cross junction, have no idea which route to go but there's a hand offering me and telling me to place my hand on top of His and let him guide me. 

His love fell upon me instantly. I was burning and I don't know how to stop all the emotions that I lm having at that point of time. 

But thank you Lord for everything. 

Even now I have to say, I have no idea what you are trying to do with my life and I don't understand a single thing. 

But I know I will be different and what  happen in the past will go to pass. 

I can't turn back the time as much as I want to. 

Let go let go ..