i don't know if this is anyone's fault.
but i am constantly blaming myself thinking that it's my fault for this to happen and i'm thinking that i deserve it because i did something wrong for you to have come up with this decision.

or i am not good enough blah blah blah all sorts of reasons you name it i have it.
i cannot stop blaming myself..
it feels like i'm responsible for all these.

i must have done something wrong to receive this kind of punishment
a life-long punishment

i am just not good enough..
really not good enough.

i am so horrified by the dream and trying so hard to just forget and get over it.
lord please help me and remove it. it is blocking me from reading your word and being close to you.
it is disturbing my quiet time with you.

so disturbed and horrified after waking up.
lord, if this is not coming from you, please keep all these nightmares away from me.
you know each time it happens, i really don't know how to overcome it.
i'm so weak.
i need help. like serious help.